Added: Timia Ammon - Date: 15.12.2021 08:09 - Views: 33242 - Clicks: 4225
Another article on this site covers some general worries anyone can have when they're trying to make friends. Among people who want to build a social life, a sub-group with some unique fears are those who have no friends at all. The worries they have can be quite limiting and help keep them stuck in their plight. Below I'll pick apart friendless people's most common worries. Before I get to that I'll mention two that are made up of many of the individual ideas farther down: "You need friends to make friends.
It's a Catch If you don't have a life you've got too many things stacked against you to fix things. But if you already have some friends, then you can easily make more than you'll ever need. Lots of people have had periods in their lives where they had no one to hang out with.
Your worth isn't solely determined by your of friends. Plenty of scummy jerks have large social circles. Lots of good people have been lonely. When someone doesn't have friends it's almost never because their core personality is unlikable. It's usually due to a mix of interfering factors such as: They're not knowledgeable about the skills for making friends.
They're too shy, socially anxious, insecure, or unconfident to pursue friendships. They don't mind being alone, and so don't have as much motivation to go out and meet people as someone who constantly craves company. Their current situation has left them without friends e. Their life circumstances are really stacked against them e. They've been lonely for long enough that they've developed behavior patterns that are keeping them in a rut.
Some might, but others won't care. This worry assumes everyone is really harsh, judgemental, and choosy about what they look for in a friend or colleague. Some people are kind and understanding. They get that someone might be shy or never learned how to make friends. They may have struggled with those issues themselves. They realize someone might have a thriving social life one year, then lose it the next when their friends all move away.
Yes, at times people are judged negatively for being friendless, but you can't let the possibility of that paralyze you. Another factor is how long you haven't had friends. Has it only been a few months, or over a year? If it's been longer some people will still understand, but that situation isn't as common, so more will be curious about why it's been so long. As a rule, the older people get the more understanding they are. You're more likely to get a petty, immature response in high school. The more life experience someone has they more they realize that people can go through lonely spells, often through no fault of their own.
Even if people aren't understanding, they probably aren't going to cruelly mock you. They may not be sure how to take the news yet, but if you explain yourself and otherwise seem like a solid person, they may decide they're okay with your circumstances.
If they do reject you, odds are they'll quietly withdraw contact, not laugh in your face. For the most part a lot of what people think of you is determined by how you interact with them in the moment, not the "on paper" information they have about your life. If you generally come across as at least somewhat together and likable, people won't care that much if they find out you don't have friends. How you are as a person carries more weight than any abstract ideas they have about "friendless people". They already like you, so they'll put a charitable spin on this new thing they've learned.
It works in reverse if someone hasn't gotten the best impression of you. If they find out you have no friends they may react negatively, but it's more because they already had a so-so opinion of you. It's not really about your friendlessness itself. If they clicked with you they'd have had a different response. As a slight aside, if only one or two people aren't fans of you, that may be down to an incompatibility.
You can't hit it off with everyone. If you find you get a cold reception from most people, that's tough, but there are tons of ways you can work on yourself and eventually get warmer responses.
This article goes into more detail about the practicalities of telling people you don't a social life at the moment:. This one plays into worries of being found out and judged.
Some friendless people are so scared of their supposedly shameful secret getting out that they avoid socializing, because the topic of their friends might come up. They may even have exaggerated fears about someone painstakingly grilling them about their friendships until they're forced to confess how alone they are.
It varies from person to person, but I find people don't ask each other about their social lives that often. There are lots of other things to talk about, and everyone generally assumes other people have friends, and so don't feel a need to ask about it. Naturally, they essentially never do in-depth interrogations. That's a distorted worst case scenario.
Sometimes the subject does come up. Like someone might ask what your friends are up to this weekend, or who in your small school or town you hang out with. Again, this article goes into how to tell people. Overall, if you've been dodging social situations because you're worried everyone will suss out your friendless status within minutes of meeting you, realize that's not likely to happen. If you don't have any friends it may make you unappealing in a self-fulfilling-prophecy way, by causing you to act too desperate, nervous, and overeager.
However, those are all behaviors you can put a lid on. For one, you can look at your situation differently, in a way that can reduce your desperation hopefully the article you're reading right now will help. You can also consciously try not to act in ways that read as needy e.
The fear is potential friends will consider hanging out with you and then ask themselves, "Am I going to be their only friend? Will they want to see me and text me constantly because I'm all they have? Will they put too much pressure on me to be their everything? If I don't feel like things are working out will I feel super guilty about ending it, and casting them back into their wretched, isolated existence?
Do I want to shoulder all that? I think it's reasonable to say most people won't think this way, unless you give off really clingy, smothering vibes. If you seem relaxed, like you can manage on your own, and like you won't suffocate them with your attention, their mind won't go there.
On the link below you'll find a training series focused on how to feel at ease socially, even if you tend to overthink today. It also covers how to avoid awkward silence, attract amazing friends, and why you don't need an "interesting life" to make interesting conversation. For a lot of social circles that's not the case, and they mostly talk about things besides each other or the antics they got up to last week.
Also, there are a ton of other ways to have interesting or entertaining stuff to add to a discussion. You can talk about a TV show you've been watching or a place you recently visited, or share your insights on a world event, or joke around, just to name a few options. Some people with no friends spend most of their time at home, doing things they believe make them "lame" and "boring", like watching movies or playing video games. Why do they stay in so much?
They may feel ashamed of their loneliness and are trying to hide from everyone. They may be feeling down and discouraged, and not be in the mood to go out. They may unconsciously assume that since they don't have social plans to take them out of the house, they have no other option but to stay home. They may be younger, have some homebody tendencies, and just not be aware of all the things they could be doing outside their house or apartment. You don't need a social life to go out and do fun, interesting things.
There's a lot you can still do on your own, which will give you things to talk about aside from other benefits, like just having a good time or maybe being able to meet people. Again, to give a few options, you could go on a hike, visit an art exhibit, or see some live music. Also, while there are lots of upsides to getting out of the house, staying in and reading and playing games doesn't automatically make you boring. I get that if that's all you do you might want more variety in your life. But around the right people you could easily have a long, engaging conversation only about what books, movies, or games you've been into lately.
The idea here is that people won't want to befriend you once they realize you don't have a group for them to possibly meet and hang out with. This belief is also made up of several assumptions that don't hold up to closer scrutiny:. Some people really value possible new social contacts, but many don't.
When they meet someone new they focus on that person and what they think of them, not what hypothetical connections they could make. All else being equal, having a social circle to offer doesn't hurt, but there are dozens of other personal qualities people care about more.
When you meet someone do you immediately start wondering how big their social circle is and what you could get out of it? If you don't, wouldn't it be reasonable to say some other people think along the same lines? Of course there are tons of ways you could be valuable as a friend. If someone finds you fun, interesting, hilarious, and supportive, are they really going to turn you away because they know they can't meet ten more people through you?
Again, some people value that, but just as many don't. A good chunk of the world is happy to have a small of close friends. Some even think a large social circle is a draining hassle. They supposedly want to meet people with their own sprawling networks so they can get invited to more big bustling get togethers. They also allegedly see hanging out one-on-one as a distant second. Once more, everyone is different. Some people prioritize large gatherings. Others prefer spending time with their friends one at a time.
They'd see it as a negative if a new friend had two dozen buddies they partied with every weekend. If you're spending time with someone, and they genuinely enjoy your personality and company, how is that mooching? Friendships aren't a simplistic exchange of social contacts, where if that doesn't happen it means one person is "taking" something from the other. It's certainly a big way people make friends, but far from the only one.
People often form social groups from scratch through methods like ing teams or clubs, taking up new hobbies, or volunteering.Why i dont have friends
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Worries Of People Who Have No Friends