Added: Keiana Chipman - Date: 09.12.2021 15:35 - Views: 27585 - Clicks: 1143
A life coach who helps people discover how to best utilize their passions and talents through a proven process. Read full profile. It basically is concerned for your survival. This is why when someone says something that offends you, it triggers your amygdala and you become defensive as a result. It becomes this attack and defend battle between the two of you. The damage is done, feelings are hurt, and the relationship starts to become broken. In order to improve your communication, you must first learn how to help people feel safe to talk with you by implementing ways to calm their amygdalas in order to help them be open to having genuine conversations.
Below are 17 ways you can help improve your communication in relationships to cultivate safe spaces, feel more connected and strengthen your bonds.
According to Vanessa Van Edwards, author of the book Captivateeye tracking studies have shown that the first thing people actually look at when meeting someone new are their hands. So whether you are speaking publicly, meeting someone new, or catching up with a friend, be sure to show them. Refrain from putting your hands in your pockets or behind your back when speaking with someone. It may make them feel like you have something to hide. He realized this was because the babies cries were not being responded to ever since their arrivals to the point that they gave up crying to express their needs.
One of the key components missing in the care of these children was touch. There was no daily interaction holding and snuggling these children to bond with them. Evidence showed ificant of these children being much more developmentally delayed later in life compared to other children who grew up in loving families. It has also been shown to help you decrease stress levels. Incorporate more appropriate physical interactions in your conversations. A simple handshake will do for people who you are not as close with.
For closer friends, you may want to incorporate more hugs. For your partners, feel free to incorporate more snuggling, massages and caressing. Asking questions are important to help you understand where your partner is coming from, but if you ask them in the wrong way, it may trigger a defensive response. One way to help your partner feel more open to answering your questions without getting defensive is by using softeners for your questions to show that the question is coming from a place of curiosity rather than accusation.
While you may speak to a coworker one way, you may need to explain things differently to a friend when trying to explain the same thing.
When explaining something that you are much more fluent in than the other person, practice explaining things in a way that anyone can understand. This tends to happen especially when you have something exciting to share. This helps promote a sense of bonding and openness that creates a space for better communication.
As you listen to the other person during a conversation, take mental notes. What kinds of things does he get excited to talk about? What kind of background and worldview does he have? Then start asking questions about those topics and start a discussion. If they seem interested, give them a moment to reply and share back with you on how they can relate. You probably know what it feels like when you are in the middle of sharing something and someone excitedly interrupts you because they have something they want to say.
The conversation gets hijacked and is turned over to the other person without you ever getting to finish what you wanted to say. What to do? Wait for the other person to finish speaking. The only time it may be appropriate to interrupt someone is if you are in a time sensitive situation and things are starting to go off topic.
Practice active listening. Try not to worry about a witty reply to say but instead pay attention to what the other person is trying to express. Then take a moment to take it in and respond. The two halves of your brain operate very differently. Your right hemisphere is the emotional side of your brain and your left brain is the logical side. If the conversation is about trying to find an answer to a specific problem or question, then respond accordingly with your logical side by brainstorming together. If however, you share a story about how your boss made a rude and inaccurate comment at you in front of all the staff, your partner can picture him or herself in your shoes and understand what it may feel like.
This is why we can get lost in a great movie. Share the specific details on what happened:. Influential psychologist, Dr. These micro expressions can be either positive or negative and research has shown the compelling impact that they have on other people. Micro expressions are exactly the reason why sometimes you can sense if a job interview went well or not. Micro positive expressions such as authentic smiles, nods, and leaning in will help your partner feel more open to communicate with you. Love languages can all be learned and when you figure out which one is the best one to speak to your partner, your communication between each other will ificantly improve.
Then the love language is gifts.
Then the love language is quality time. Or maybe after getting home from a long day, your partner just needs to cuddle and receive a nice massage. Then the love language is touch. Find out how here:. Imagine your partner comes home excited wanting to tell you some great news. When you finally settle down at the dinner table, you ask your partner what the great news was. Can you pass the salt? Meeting your partners at their level of excitement the moment it happens communicates that you are willing to be present with them during their times of joy.
This will help release the happiness hormone, serotonin, in both your brains and give you a boost in your mood. Small talk gets you on autopilot because you hear the same kinds of questions and it triggers you to habitually give the same answers.
Many times, this le to defensiveness and becoming less open to productive conversation. Simply bringing awareness to yourself in these moments gives you the power to make a choice and use the thinking part of your brain to evaluate how to best respond to the situation. Instead of letting your amygdala take over causing you to react and put your walls up to defend yourself, simply take a moment to be aware of what is happening. Just making sense of the situation helps you get out of a reactive mode and puts you in a proactive mode where you can make better decisions to improve your communication.
At times your partner disagrees with you or says something you disagree with, take a moment to notice if you are feeling defensive or not. Especially if you are feeling hurt. Then take a moment to ask yourself, how am I feeling right now? Verbalize that feeling to your partner. Afterwards, think about how you can best respond to the situation to make it a productive conversation rather than a destructive one.
I can really see how strong and brave you are to make sure your students thrive because you keep working even when it gets hard. Your friend is likely to try and continue working hard to uphold this expectation of being a courageous person. Communicating in this way not only helps your partner grow, but it also helps them feel more drawn to you and be more open to conversation. So as you continue to communicate and highlight what you find impressive about your partner, you may notice them stepping up to keep improving in that way.
In cultures where showing your emotions can be considered a of weakness, a misconception arises that uncomfortable feelings are something bad. It sets off a chain of unhealthy interactions between people when attempting to communicate clearly. For example, if you grew up believing crying is a of weakness, you are likely to also be uncomfortable when someone else cries in front of you. Feelings are not meant to be fixed or avoided. They are meant to be felt no matter how uncomfortable. This kind of response shows that the feelings your partner are experiencing are valid feelings that are okay to experience.
Empathy is single-handedly the most important way to improve your communication in relationships. And the times you most need to have empathy is when your partner is having a moment of shame. Shame and vulnerability expert, Dr. Brene Brown lists a few scenarios that will cause miscommunication between each other. Practice responding with empathy when your partner is communicating shame with you. At the end of the day, the thing needed most to improve communication is by helping establish a safe space between the person you are in a conversation with.
Rather than really hearing out what the other person has to say, you may be pre-occupied and planning out what you want to say in response so that you can either position yourself as competent or make yourself look better. In turn, this will result in a healthy exchange of authentically listening and responding. Featured photo credit: Jacob Ufkes via unsplash. On a mission to share about how communication in the workplace and personal relationships plays a large role in your happiness Read full profile. Can you think of a time when someone did something nice to you for no apparent reason?
It may seem like this happens rarely. And maybe that is why when it does, it really stands out. When someone does something to help us in some way, we feel grateful. And when we feel grateful, we also feel like we want to do something for the other person. What you are feeling in these situations is the law of reciprocity. This feeling that we get from wanting to help others or give them something can be a useful tool to help you achieve a goal. The principle of reciprocity is a term in social psychology.
To put it simply, it means that if someone does something nice for you, you have the built-in tendency to want to do something nice for them. This is apparent in almost all social situations: personal relationships, in business, familial relationships, and just about every interaction with other people. Most years, my wife and I send out holiday cards. I always ask my wife why we send them to certain people. We feel obligated to send the Smith family a card because they send us one.
They did something for us, we should do something for them. There is a strong impulse in people from all cultures to repay gifts or favors with a gift of our own to them. This impulse expresses itself in reciprocation to invitations to parties, Christmas cards, birthday presents, or acts of kindness. Think of the companies you do business with. This can be your job working with your vendors or partners or other businesses. It can also be the companies you do business with on a personal level — the grocery store, coffee shop, dry cleaners, etc.
When a company is still small and looking to gain more customers, they usually give away something for free to grow their business. These could be pieces of advice or services, but most of the time these are products. This is very evident in the software industry.
The reason is simple: people see new cool software, and they want to try it out before they buy it. Getting to try it for free for 2 weeks lets them check it out, play with it, and hopefully fall in love with it. The company shows that you should trust them and their product by providing you with a new product to try out for a while. Now that the trust has been built, well-run businesses will show ongoing appreciation for your patronage.
Again, this is the law of reciprocity coming into effect. In a study done by the U. When a company shows appreciation, customers feel like the company cares about them. These kinds of programs are incredibly popular. You are doing something for the company, therefore they will do something for you.Help with communication skills in a relationship
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Talk It Out: Communication for Couples