Added: Iram Mixon - Date: 07.12.2021 06:33 - Views: 21409 - Clicks: 2252
Helping friends, supporting family, and finding ways to get along with people is a beautiful thing. But it is possible to be too nice — and it comes with a whole list of negative side effects. Being overly nice can even lead to a sort of identity crisis.
Nice folks tend to get on a roll and apologize for everything and anything, sometimes simply for existing or taking up space.
You can also take a more assertive approach in other situations. Nice people tend to attract users — partners who are lazy, friends who always need help moving, family members who constantly have a favor to ask. It's OK to be helpful, but it crosses over into bad territory when these people are never there for you in return.
So take it as a if it feels like your needs are never met. You might notice that you never have time to reach your goals, or that the people in your life rarely step up to help you out. According to Buckley, being too nice steals energy away from your to-do list. Try to be more honest about your needs. If you constantly agree to do things because you want to be liked, and not because you genuinely have the time or energy, resentment will start to build.
Reserve all those yeses for things and people who truly matter to you, Buckley says, and watch in amazement as you start to feel less burnt out. Doing so will only open the floor for negotiation and guilt may get the better of you. Stick to your guns and respect your time. From there, look for small situations where you can practice saying no, perhaps where the outcome has little to no risk. For a full day have them ask you to do things and practice how to say no. Even if it le you to get ahead in your career, it can also mean your boss will continue to take advantage of you.
Think about your group of friends. On a similar note, do you ever catch yourself shooting down your own ideas or belittling what you say? According Halow, overly nice people do this on the reg. The next time a self-deprecating comment begins to form in your mouth, swallow it back down. Knocking yourself down is a habit, and the only way to break it is by doing the opposite.
In an effort to be nice, you may also find yourself quickly agreeing to plans without checking your schedule. If you tend to say yes too quickly, practice slowing down your response. Let me think on it and get back to you in an hour.
But to you? Are the things you say not matching up with how you feel? Take note. It might even be helpful to speak with a therapist. The nice lifestyle will leave you a shell of your former self, possibly even to the point you lose interest in things you used to enjoy. It's perfectly normal to dislike arguments and confrontation. What's not normal? Practice being assertiveeven if the very word makes your blood run cold. It's not as hard as it sounds, especially since being genuinely assertive does not mean you have to be mean or rude. It simply requires you to stand up for yourself.
This is something you can practice little by little in your daily life, or with the help of a therapist. The next time someone tries to suck you into their drama, take a step back and ask yourself if you have the time and energy to help out. If not, firmly state your boundary. Kindness is a wonderful thing, so aim for that instead. Robin Buckley, CPCcognitive behavioral coach. Cynthia Halowpsychologist. This article was originally published on June 28, By Carolyn Steber.
Updated: July 15, Originally Published: June 28, You Say "Sorry" On Repeat. See All Health Relationships Self.Do you too
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